Should I Fire a Family Member

Deciding whether or not to fire a family member can be a difficult and sensitive situation.

First and foremost, it is important to remember that running a business requires making tough decisions for the sake of its success.

When considering firing a family member, it is crucial to approach the situation with empathy and fairness.

Begin by evaluating their performance objectively. Is their work up to par? Are they meeting deadlines and fulfilling their responsibilities?

If their performance is consistently poor and is negatively impacting the business, it may be necessary to consider termination.

However, before taking such a drastic step, it is worth exploring alternative solutions. Talk openly and honestly with the family member about their performance issues, and try to find ways to help them improve.

Implementing a performance improvement plan or providing additional training and support might be the key to transforming their performance.

It is also crucial to consider the potential impact on family dynamics and relationships. Firing a family member can strain personal connections and create tension within the family.

Before making a final decision, it may be helpful to seek advice from a neutral third party, such as a mentor or business consultant. They can provide an objective perspective and offer guidance on the best course of action.

Ultimately, the decision to fire a family member should be based on what is best for the business and its long-term success. It is essential to prioritize the needs and goals of the business above personal relationships.

Remember, firing a family member is a challenging choice, but sometimes it is necessary for the sake of the business’s growth and prosperity.

I’m really struggling with the question of firing a family member. Last year, I made the mistake of hiring my own brother without knowing how unreliable he would be. He consistently comes in late and makes a lot of mistakes, which ends up causing problems with our customers. To make matters worse, he always puts the blame on someone else. I’ve noticed that my other employees have started to adopt his bad habits too. Even though I know my mother will take his side, I’m left wondering what else I can do. Should I let him go?

– Andrea from Dover, Ohio

Oh Andrea, I hear your struggle loud and clear. Having to consider firing a family member is definitely not an easy situation to be in. But sometimes, as tough as it may be, it’s a step that needs to be taken.

Firing a Family Member…It’s a Tough Call

First and foremost, it’s vital to exhaust all other options before resorting to termination. Ending the employment of a family member can have long-lasting effects on your family dynamics that might be hard to repair. The consequences can be felt for a long time.

Before you jump into firing someone, it’s crucial to take a thoughtful approach. Instead of immediately resorting to termination, give your family member a chance to improve.

Here are some helpful tips to consider if you find yourself in a situation where you need to fire a family member.

1. Start with a Conversation

Begin by having a conversation with your brother. Before making the decision to let go of a family member or anyone else, it’s important to listen to their side of the story.

As managers and business owners, we sometimes assume we already know everything and expect the employee to understand the situation too.

But in reality, things are often less clear-cut than we think.

• Have a face-to-face conversation. Avoid discussing this matter through email, phone calls, or texts.
• To maintain confidentiality, it’s important to have this discussion in a private place where others can’t overhear. It’s not appropriate to discuss his performance issues with your mother or try to get other relatives on your side. Just like any other employee, he deserves privacy and confidentiality.
• When discussing the issue, it’s important to maintain a professional and friendly demeanor. You can even offer him a beverage to make him feel more comfortable. Let him know that you appreciate having him as a part of the team and share a positive message. Don’t forget to smile!
• Instead of approaching the conversation as a confrontation, try to have a productive conversation. Listen more than you speak and keep an open mind. Building rapport is important during this discussion.
• Keep your emotions in check during the conversation. Try to stay calm and composed. Avoid getting into arguments or yelling. Stay low-key and focused on finding a solution.

Start by Explaining

Begin the discussion by explaining what you have observed. Then, give him an opportunity to share his side of the story.

It’s important to hear him out for several reasons.

You know, your brother might have some good reasons for his behavior. Maybe he’s actually been doing more than you realize.

Think about it – he might be showing up late because he’s been working on something important from home. You wouldn’t know that unless you give him a chance to explain.

And hey, what if he’s actually accomplished some really great things that you just haven’t noticed? You’re so stuck on the negative stuff that you’re not seeing the positive aspects of his performance.

Or maybe he’s been having trouble getting here because of transportation issues. Maybe you could even help him find a solution.

The bottom line is, once you have a conversation with him, you might change your mind about firing your own family member.

Tip: If you’re worried about getting too emotional, ask your brother to fill out a self-evaluation before your meeting. This will give you a structured way to address any performance issues.

2. Being a Good Coach Who Understands Human Nature

Instead of thinking about firing, try approaching the situation like a coach.

Let’s do a quick role play to see how you could address the issue of tardiness, both the wrong way and the right way:

The Wrong Way:

You’re always late! I’m fed up with your laziness. I don’t want to hear any excuses. If you’re late one more time, you’re fired!

What’s wrong with this scenario?

Let’s talk about something important. I can tell that you’ve already made up your mind about this. It seems like you don’t really want to listen to his side of the story or give him a chance to explain. It sounds like you actually want to fire this family member, rather than trying to help him understand how to do better. You’re not making an effort to convince him or help him see things from your perspective. Overall, you’re taking a very emotional and confrontational approach. I don’t think this is going to end well.

The Better Approach:

I’m really happy to have you working here. But I’ve noticed that you’ve been late three times in the past week, sometimes by more than an hour. Is there a reason for that? [Let’s talk about it. I want to hear your side and have a discussion.] It’s really important for you to arrive on time for work, because our customers are waiting. And not only that, but all our other employees look up to you. They may think that if you’re doing it, it’s okay for them to be late too. Or they may think I’m showing favoritism. I’m afraid that if this continues, soon everyone will start showing up late. And that will have a negative impact on our business. Can you do me a favor and set a good example by being on time?

Do you see the differences in this second situation?

When I approached the situation, I made sure to start off on a positive note. I wanted the person to know that I was willing to listen and that I valued their input. I took the time to explain my concerns calmly and provided solid business reasons for my actions. I made a conscious effort to keep the conversation from getting emotional.

During our discussion, I clearly outlined my expectations moving forward. I wanted them to understand that I genuinely wanted them to succeed. I also made it a point to highlight their potential as a leader, emphasizing the power they had to positively influence others.

Pro Tip: It’s always a good idea to keep a record of the discussion, including the date and what was discussed. This way, if performance issues persist, you can refer back to the conversation and have concrete evidence to support your decisions.

3. Give Them a Chance to Improve

Before resorting to termination, it’s essential to give the person an opportunity to correct their poor performance. Set a specific timeframe for improvement and make it clear that it’s a necessary step before taking further action.

A typical time period for improvement is usually 90 days, but it could be shorter, like 30 or 60 days, or even longer, like 120 days.

The important thing is to give yourself enough time to make progress. It’s only fair.

You know, sometimes people who aren’t doing well at something might act surprised or even shocked when they’re told they need to improve. Some people might even say they had no idea they weren’t meeting expectations.

Do They Really Understand the Problem?

Now, it’s possible that these people know they’re not doing a good job and they’re just trying to get sympathy from you.

But it’s also possible that they truly don’t understand what you expect from them.

Let me give you an example: let’s say there’s an employee who’s spending all their time on project B and they think they’re doing a great job. However, project A is actually the more important one and you’re disappointed with the lack of progress on it. By having an honest conversation, you can help them understand what the real priorities are.

Maybe the employee isn’t doing things the way you want or not meeting your standards. Sometimes, employees have different ways of measuring performance than you do. That’s why it’s important to clearly communicate your expectations. You need to let them know what kind of performance you find acceptable. Don’t assume they already know.

• For example, you can say, You handled XYZ in this way. I would like you to handle it like this instead.
• Or you can say, It should take less than 15 minutes to enter a transaction into the database, but it seems to take you much longer. I have a suggestion that will help you work faster. I’ve noticed you get interrupted a lot with phone calls and texting, and that probably makes it hard to concentrate. To improve your focus, try limiting your phone use to break time (unless it’s an emergency). Take one break in the morning and one in the afternoon. This way, you’ll be able to concentrate better.

4. Encourage and Uplift

When it comes to addressing problems with performance, it’s important to remember that it’s not all about the negatives. In fact, positive feedback and proactive coaching can be even more crucial.

Once you’ve had a discussion with your brother, take the time to acknowledge and appreciate his good work, while also giving him the opportunity to improve.

Some experts suggest that for every negative feedback, you should provide three or even five instances of positive feedback. This will not only boost his confidence, but also motivate him to do better.

Make an effort to go out of your way to give praise. Let him know that you value and appreciate his efforts.

Pro Tip: Remember to always give feedback right away when you see something well done.

5. Encourage His Strengths

Here’s another idea. If you see that he’s not able to do the job, maybe you can change his role so it fits him better.

Sometimes, performance problems happen because the skills needed for the job don’t match the person’s abilities. In other words, maybe he’s not in the right role considering his strengths and weaknesses. Remember, it’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

Maybe it’s possible to give him more responsibilities for the things he’s good at, and move him away from areas where he struggles.

One of the advantages of owning a small business is the ability to customize job duties. It’s not always possible when the business is very small, but if you can do it, it’s worth a try.

When nothing else works: How to let go of a family member

If it’s been 90 days, or however long you decided, and you haven’t seen enough improvement, what do you do? You’ve tried your best, but it’s just not enough.

In that situation, you might not have any other option but to let go of the family member.

Take decisive action. Don’t wait or dwell on it. Accept that it’s inevitable: you have to go ahead and fire a family member. The best thing to do is to cut ties right away.

Pro Tip: Handle it like you would any other termination. Ask them to have a private meeting with you. Let them know your decision and that it’s final. Keep the meeting short. Mention that you will provide some severance pay.

I hate to say it, but firing a family member is never easy. It can have a lasting impact on your relationship with them, and it might even cause friction within the rest of the family. That’s why I strongly suggest trying to avoid it altogether if you can.

However, sometimes not taking any action can be even worse. When you have a family member who isn’t performing well, it can create a lot of stress for everyone in the organization. It can bring down morale and damage relationships with customers. So, if you’ve made up your mind that it’s necessary, it’s best to just bite the bullet and get it done.

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